My New Normal - Kaitlin Morris

My new normal revolves around the bus schedule. I feel the urgency around 4-5pm to start my commute before it gets dark. I feel the fear of walking home down the dark street alone in a not so safe neighborhood. My new normal is eating tortillas y frijoles cada dia. My new normal is living without running water or heat. My new Saturday night is staying in a house across the border with dirt floors and no door. It is waking up at 6am everyday, and depending on which side of the border I am, hearing roosters. My new normal does not include days off. My new weekends are spent attending memorials or doing desert aid training. It is sharing a meal with Jeremias Algar Garcia who spent the last 24 days traveling from his home in Guatemala riding on top of a train. (and the last 15 of those days without a bed). Jeremias will be crossing al otro lado in the next three days. Sometime in the next three days the man who I sat next to, shared tortillas and stories with, will be walking through the desert under the scorching sun. Did you know that if you are doing moderate exercise in the sun that you need 4 pints of water an hour? There is no way that someone can carry enough water to last the 3 to 4 days walk. And those 3 days is just the minimum, you can get lost or get blisters that are so bad that half of your foot comes off when you take off your shoes. Or you can suffer from heat exhaustion or hypothermia.


And then there’s la migra. I have read over forty cases of border patrol abuse. (These are just the cases that I entered into the data collector. No More Deaths has collected over 1,000 since they published their report Crossing the Line just two years ago) Stories that make you sick to your stomach, that make you want to cry and rage at the same time. I don’t want to demonize the border patrol, I know that the agents are humans for better or for worse and that they are just individuals within a greater system. But it is not just a case of “a few bad apples” it is far more pervasive than that. It is systematic violence and abuse. This is happening right now, those cases were from earlier this year. So for the next three days, for the next 15 weeks, and perhaps for the rest of my life I will be praying that God will watch over Jeremias and all the Jeremias. Jeremias is not an illegal alien. He is a human who is in search of a better life for himself and his family, like 98% of the people who are crossing the border.


We met with the two agents of the Border Patrol and took a tour of the station. When asked why they think people cross the border, they both said that most people are looking for jobs or to reunite with their families. They then went on to say that there are criminals and terrorists too, which is why the border needs to be secured. Daniela, a student with the program, asked them how many terrorists they apprehend in a year. They didn’t know. She asked them how do they know if they’ve apprehended a terrorist. “Well if they’re involved in terrorist activity” they answered. She asked them, “What is terrorist activity?” They thought for a minute and stumbled “well if they’re smuggling a bomb across and that sometimes Chinese terrorists try to cross the border”. Their story was that Chinese communist terrorists go to Mexico, learn the language and stay there for a few months before crossing the border into the United States. I’m sorry, but that’s bullshit. That doesn’t make any sense. If the whole point of having the border secured is to prevent terrorism how come they don’t even know how many terrorists they’ve caught? Or how to define terrorist activity? And why would Chinese terrorists go through mexico when they could enter through the Canadian/U.S. border which is far easier to cross?


My new normal is feeling so many emotions at once that I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. My new normal is loneliness. It is desperately longing and needing to talk to a familiar loved one but when I get on the phone you’re speechless. I can’t relate my experiences, there’s just this disconnect because we no longer live in the same world. Well in actuality, the scariest thing is, is that we both still live in the same world I’m just looking at it from a different angle. Its like those illusions in which you can see two pictures in the same drawing, and although we’re looking at the same picture we are seeing two different things.


My new normal is finding out that the privileged developed world I’ve lived in for the past twenty years is a lie. That it would not exist without the world I’m living in now. Development and Underdevelopment are both a product of Capitalism. There can not be one without the other because Development is not based off of natural resources or “Guns, Germs, and Steel”. Developed countries are developed because they effectively exploited underdeveloped countries and people. My new normal is realizing the government, the state, is not benign. That laws aren’t written to protect the people but to protect the interests of the dominant group in society.


My new normal is not even knowing what normal is anymore. My life, two, almost three weeks ago, feels as distant as a dream. I don’t know how or if I can return to that world knowing what I know now. I feel like Neo. I took the red pill and now I’m seeing how far the rabbit hole goes. I am waking up to reality and the illusions of this world have been shattered. And how do I communicate that to someone who has not seen what I have seen or been where I have been? I don’t know. Everyday I feel the gap between my old life and my new life widen and I don’t know how to bridge that gap. I know if I read this blog, or heard myself talking that I would think I was crazy. But I’m not, it’s the rest of the world that is crazy. It is the people in power who define what is crazy or not, and they want to protect themselves. So if you’re reading this, please listen, and don’t be so quick to dismiss what I’m telling you.

Field Study at Manzo Elementary - Erin McIlvain

I am doing my internship/field study at Manzo elementary school where about 98% of the students are Hispanic and a large portion of the families are migrant families. Manzo is a Title I school with about 250 students. The school is facing a lot of difficulties with the recent budget cuts in the school system and is on the list of schools that might be closed next year. To avoid this Manzo is doing a lot of things like creating an ecology and sustainability program.



Manzo is a school unlike any school I have ever seen. I have been working with the guidance counselor, Moses Thompson, and he believes in using horticulture therapy as a counseling strategy. As a way to accomplish this he has led the school in many projects. The students have created a desert biome on an empty lot that was previously filled with old mattresses and couches and was used as a place to drink and do drugs. The biome contains plants that are all native to this area and was created entirely by the students. I have taken groups of preschoolers out to the biome to water the plants and they get so excited about it!

The next project he led was a Kino Tree Heritage Project in the front of the school. "Father Kino" was a man from Spain who came to the Tucson area in the 17th century and brought these trees with him from Spain. A lot of the trees are nearly extinct now, or native only to the Tucson region, so the school created the Kino Tree Heritage Project and planted some of the trees in front of the school. The landscaping in the front of the school was also done by the students and is supported by two rainwater cisterns that were made also by the students and paid for by grant money (as were all of the projects).

Manzo students are almost finished creating a desert Tortoise habitat in one of the two courtyards of the school complete with a stone mason wall (cement made by preschool and kindergarden students and everyone helped to make it!) and a lot of landscaping. All of the plants in the habitat are to support the desert tortoise, for food or shelter. In April the school will get a desert Tortoise from the Desert Museum! Currently the habitat is being finished and they are working to add in the final touches and then next week will be building a rain jar to support the habitat!

They are now currently working on a vegetable garden planted in the way that the Native Americans of this area used to plant their vegetables. The vegetables that will be planted are all plants that were grown by the Peoples native to this area. Then they will put in rainwater cisterns to support the garden!

Manzo Elementary is doing some awesome things for their students and the coolest part is that all of the students are so eager and excited to participate! When working with the students that is the first thing I notice, how excited they are to help. They are also so eager to show off the various things that they have helped with in the school. It is very awesome how Manzo makes the school a home to every student and helps them to make it their own.

Basic Questions - Maddie Campbell

The times I’ve spoken to family and friends from back home, there have been three main questions that people tend to ask me.

1.) Do you like it?

2.) Are you having fun?

or

3.) (the basic) HOW IS IT?!

I still don’t really know how to answer any of these questions… I feel like there is no way I can give adequately answer without rambling on for ages.

Yes I “like it”. I love Tucson, my home stay family is GREAT, the classroom where I do my field study is one of the most inspiring places I have ever been, the classes I’m taking are excellent, and most importantly I am so so so grateful that I have this opportunity to be see, learn, work with, and experience all that is a part of this program

And yes… I am having fun. Tucson is awesome and I’ve met a lot of really amazing people!

But something inside of me feels weird about using the adjective “fun” to describe my experience and / or dwelling on all of the things I “like” about being here and doing this.



I feel like I’ve concerned some people in my attempts to give a truthful answer to the enthusiastic HOW IS IT?! question. In reality, this experience is great and amazing, but draining, intense, saddening, and a slap in the face. In reality, I’ve been happy and have had fun since I’ve been here, but I’ve also felt hopeless, guilty, sad, angry, and even completely unfaithful in the world and humanity.

I’ve gotten quite a few “are you okay” responses to the descriptions I have given of my experiences thus far. The answer I often feel inclined to give is no I’m not okay with this atrocity, this side of my country that I’ve been exposed to but I decided to come on this program because I felt that if this is happening, if people are suffering from dehumanization every day, I at least want exposure and I want it in its rawest form. There are plenty of people in the world who are not doing “okay”… and what gives me the right to just dillydally around in my sheltered world while people are suffering.

But then sometimes I ask myself what good is it for me to be here? Last Thursday, when we sat in on an Operation Streamline court proceeding, is one particular time when I felt this way.

During Operation Streamline, individuals whom were found crossing the border illegally are pressed with criminal charges (these can include incarceration for 6 months, 5 years of probation, or a $500 fine).

In the court room, there were 65 defendants (one of my group members counted) seated. Each one was wearing headphones for translation purposes and was placed in shackles. The judge announced that in this situation there is either the option to plead guilty or go to trial. Every attorney in the court today was representing somebody who plead guilty.

The judge tells the defendants to stand up “if you don’t know the nature or punishment for your offense” and/or if “you feel forced, obligated or intimidated to plead guilty.” A few individuals stood up after the first remark, mainly to clear up some details (often a result of language miscommunication) and nobody stood up for the second remark. I would be curious to see what would happen if somebody publicly revealed feelings of force, obligation, or intimidation.

Next the judge called between 6-7 defendants to come up at a time, accompanied by their attorney, to answer a series of questions. He asked “Are you pleading guilty today?” “Do you understand your plea?” “Do you object to your attorneys objections”

Each group would respond to these questions in unison with “si”, “si”, and “no” (the attorneys would translate each word… yes, yes, no)

The judge would then go through the line of defendants and ask “did you enter the U.S. illegally? Did you receive permission from an immigration official or U.S. government official in order to be here?” A decent amount of the defendants had even already been deported… meaning they had already endured this exact same process. It just blows my mind to comprehend what desperation could possibly lead people to place themselves in this situation once, not to mention MULTIPLE TIMES.



After the judge had finished questioning each group, Border Patrol agents would accompany them out in their shackles. Because I was sitting two rows away from the court I made eye contact with a few defendants as they were being escorted out. I kept the most neutral facial expression that I could because I didn’t know what would possibly be appropriate right then… but I felt so uncomfortable with just keeping a blank face, void of all emotion while looking into the eyes of people who had just risked their lives by crossing the border for nothing but to be put to shame.

All I wanted to be able to do was help them… even in the smallest way. If I could even just send my regards to them, to wish them good luck I would have felt better about the situation… but nope. Any form of communication was impossible at that point in time let alone any opportunity to REALLY better the situation. I felt hopeless. I felt guilty… guilty that I could just be watching this for my studies as a privileged student at a liberal arts school, guilty that I could just walk out at the end of the day and proceed with my problem-free life.